Moles - Sheena Baharudin

By the time I was ten years old

a number of moles have already made

my body and my face, their home.

I have one on the middle of my forehead

one on the corner of my right eye

one under my bottom lip

one on the left side of my chest

one on my finger and

one on the surface of my sole

the very same one found by my father

when I was just 3 months old

Oh how I dreamt of these moles

falling off me like leaves

on a hot sticky summer day

but from primary to high school

these moles have decided to stay

and oh,

if I was ever given the freedom to choose

I would have chosen sticks and stones

I would have let them break my bones

for that would have been better

than having those mean names

finding their way from Monday to Friday

just to hurt and haunt me

So gradually

I began to find comfort in the outskirts

of my imagination

You can call it "defense mechanism"

Like that first time

when I saw the beautiful Kuan Yin and Green Tara

I knew that just like them

my mole is a third eye endowed with divine power

and if I squinted my eyes hard enough

I could actually see glimpses of Nirvana

Or that time

when I saw the giant statue of the sleeping Buddha

I wanted to be just like him

so I closed my eyes, slept in the very same position

and I tried to accept all those sufferings at school

as just facets of Samsara

because this is the best way for me to cleanse my Karma

this is how I should embrace my Dharma

and sometimes

Sheena the Muslim would morph into Sheena the Hindu

and I would strut around thinking

"Here I am with my very own fabulous pottu,"

which is a marking only found

on the forehead of feisty deities

it is a symbol of an Eastern civilisation

ancient and almighty

so I would watch those bullies and knew

that just like the mighty goddess Kali, I too

could dance all of them into annihilation

See me scatter them like dust

with my own rhythmic

anger, fury and wrath

(but I wouldn't and I shouldn't)

for I am the Trimurti

I have the beginning, the middle

and the ending inside of me

I am Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva

I am creator, preserver, destroyer

I am benign thus I am kind

and even if I could not speak Tamil

it's not like I did not give it a try

But that was a long time ago.

Now, who knows?

I might just remove these moles earlier than I plan to do so

and when the time comes for me to let them go

I will still write to each and every one of them

an epitaph for me to engrave

on their imaginary tombstones

For this mole is indeed a third eye

allowing me to see you for who you are my dear

and this mole makes me see everything

with a child like wonder

and this mole reminds me to smile

and always speak good of others

and this mole marks the spot for me to move on

and forgive all of my errs

and this mole gives me poetry

when normal speech just would not work

and this mole on the surface of my sole

has brought me to all the places

I have arrived and departed

and this soul under the surface of my moles

has brought me into the arms

of all those I have loved wholehearted

with all my body

with all my soul

and my considerable number

of moles.

---

Sheena Baharudin (21st century) Malaysia

Source: Big Bridge