What I Should Like to Do - Cecco Angolieri

If I were fire, I’d burn the world away;
    If I were wind, I’d turn my storms thereon;
    If I were water, I’d soon let it drown;
If I were God, I’d sink it from the day;
If I were Pope, I’d never feel quite gay
    Until there was no peace beneath the sun;
    If I were Emperor, what would I have done?
I’d lop men’s heads all round in my own way.
If I were death, I’d look my father up;
If I were life, I’d run away from him,
    And treat my mother to like calls and runs.
If I were Cecco — and that’s all my hope —
I’d pick the nicest girls to suit my whim,
    And other folk should get the ugly ones.

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Cecco Angolieri (c. 1260 – c. 1312) Italy
Translator not given
Source: The world's wit and humor: an encyclopedia of the classic wit and humor of all ages and nations, Vol  XIII, Italian — Spanish, edited by Lionel Strachey, Review of Reviews Company, 1906